Tanya's Thoughts

Thirty Days- Not Happening & other stuff

2011-03-03T14:14:00.002-06:00

As you can tell I did not stick to the 30 day challenge. The questions were not very interesting to me so I did not complete the challenge.

My moods have been all over the place the last few weeks. I am actually feeling alot better the past few days than I have the past month. There are so many factors that can affect our moods including everyday life events, medical issues, hormones and prescriptions just to name a few. I have been affected by all of them the past month. I am very thankful for my parents as they are always there when I need them. I tell them that I appreciate them but I do not think they really know how much I do.

In other news, I have come to realize that the rich, attractive dream guy will not be falling out of the sky soon, so it is business as usual for me. Literally.
In an ideal world, I would love to be able to work part time but that is not a reality so I need to stand up straight and walk proudly into my job every day. Insert sarcasm. I am appreciative to have my job and enjoy what I do. I am a bit nervous about the possibility of the government shutting down. If that happens, I am considered essential personnel, so I will still come to work every day but I will not get paid. I will EVENTUALLY get paid, but not until the government opens back up for business. So when you hear the news discussions about the government shutting down, yep, that involves me. The possibility of a shut down coincides with my realizing that I really want to be better regarding sticking to my budget. This is a wake up call for me.

Speaking of money, there are so many things that I want to do to the house. I would love NEW or RESURFACED cabinets, new flooring and a new roof. Those are major home improvement items and I do not anticipate that I will be getting them anytime soon. I know that if I ever wanted to sell, that I would have to work on those areas anyways. Well, I can dream for now.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.

Day #4

2011-02-14T08:50:00.002-06:00

Day 4: About your family.

My immediate family is small. I am an only child. Anyone reading this should know that I am divorced. That makes for a smaller family too. My parents live locally and I am very blessed to have them near me. I have a beautiful 5 year old daughter who amazes more each day. Lately she has jumped on the Justin Bieber fan wagon and it is too cute.

Capps

2011-02-13T19:24:00.000-06:00

Capps
English: variant of Capp.
Respelling of German Kappus, a metonymic occupational name for a cabbage grower.
Dictionary of American Family Names, Oxford University Press, ISBN 0-19-508137-4

Days 2&3 of Challenge.. yep, I am already slacking

2011-02-13T18:59:00.002-06:00

Day 2: The meaning behind your name.
*I was named after country singer Tanya Tucker. Various meanings I have seen of my name included fairy princess and Queen. My maiden name is Capps. I do not know a lot about my heritage on that side of my family unfortuneately. I have been told that it is a German name.
This actually inspires now to do some research.

Day 3: About your friends.
*In high school I remember that I hung out with a wide variety of friends. I got along with most everyone. I could hang with some of the cheerleaders one night and then the next visit with the "trouble makers". I also had a keen respect for the more academically inclined also. I am like most people. I have a few close friends, several good friends and several acquaintances. I do feel blessed to have my friends.

Day #1 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-02-11T17:00:00.003-06:00

Share five interesting things about yourself:

I am not sure if these are what I would call "interesting" but they are things that some may not know..

1. I would love a career as a full time student. I love school. I always have. I would love to get a Doctorate Degree just for the fun of it.

2. I do not like onions but I will eat onion rings. Figure that one out.

3. I believe in the "Supernatural". I have had several "experiences".

4. I rinse all dishes out before using them. Yes, even ones that I get directly out of the dishwasher. I actually prefer to use paper products.

5. Since college (11 years ago); I have only actually completed two books. I have had wonderful intentions of reading many books. I have a habit of starting a book and not finishing it or just reading the Cliff Notes. Heck, watching the movie is even better to me in most situations.

30 day Challenge

2011-02-11T16:53:00.002-06:00

I am going to do a 30 day challenge. You may have seen them on friends' facebook pages or blogs. Here we go...

Can I be injected with Vitamin D?

2011-02-08T21:06:00.006-06:00

I have been a type of "funk" lately I guess you could call it. I really do think that the weather is part of the problem. I am so ready for Spring I can not stand it. I found out that I have another trip to add to my list for the year. We are going to Florida in October. So I am going to California in June, Vegas in September and Florida in June. I have never been to three different states in one year. LOL! I am looking forward to it.

I realize that I never really talk about work on my blog and it is a huge part of my life. Work is going well. I am working 9 hour days so I am off every other Friday. This is nice but working until 5:30 can be tough some days. When I am work, I think of so many other things that I would do if I were not at work. When I get home, guess what? I do nothing I said I would do while I was at work. I secretly wish sometimes that I only worked weekends, or even a different schedule so that I could be with Abby more. Yep, working Mom guilt going on here lately.

Work related, I was elected to be President of the Tennessee State Society of Healthcare Social Workers. I also was recently elected to be Treasurer of a local social work group in Rutherford county. I enjoy being involved, especially in leadership positions. People that see me out of work in different group functions may not realize the "leadership" side of me. I tend to let others take the lead in other areas since I am usually one of the "leaders" and I can get burnt out. But as soon as I let one committment go or complete it, I am right there ready for another. It is interesting how we operate in all of our "roles". At work I am a completely different person than I am as a Mom or when I am out with friends.

If someone asked me 20 years ago if I am where I thought I would be, I would probably say yes. It was my plan to go to college and have a career, ever since I was a young child. I did think I would have two children though. Guess the divorce got in the way of that one.

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T18:53:00.003-06:00

I posted a few pics on Facebook. I could not get them posted correctly. I want a new camera!!

Vegas Baby!!!

2010-12-30T13:24:00.001-06:00

I am so excited to share that I am going to Vegas in September with a couple of my besties from work. We even are going all out and getting a big suite. Woo Hoo!!!
Better get to saving!

We will be staying at Mandalay Bay. Can you tell I am little excited?

Proud Mama

2010-12-06T16:40:00.002-06:00

Just wanted to share a proud Mama moment.
Abby and I are riding the vehicle and she out of the blue tells me that she can spell rope and proceeded to spell it correctly. She spelled some other words also. I was taken back by her spelling rope. As she is in the Kindy Readiness class, they have not began working on spelling yet so I am quite proud.

Christmas came early

2010-12-05T20:34:00.002-06:00

Last weekend Abby received an early Christmas present. She (WE), got a kitten. She is now 9 weeks old and she is a Siamese Mix. She is very lovable and always following me everywhere. Her name is "Pinky" and of course Abby named her. I have never owned a kitten so this has been a learning experience but she is already part of our family.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T09:35:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving! The tree is up but not decorated yet. I have 90% of my Christmas shopping done. I need to start on wrapping (or bagging). LOL! I have to decide how I am going to do the kitty thing for Abby because I really want her to think it came from Santa.. Well, I guess I could tell her that Santa asked for me to help. I think that is what I will do. I have been checking out some of the kittens in shelters. Some are really cute. I do dread having to deal with animal hair, yuck! But I will make sure I have all the tricks at hand to deal with it. It may sound bad but I am thinking that I will pick out the kitten because I am the one that in reality will end up dealing with it the most. I think that Abby will be thrilled regardless.

Well, I went off on a tangent.

I am mentally exhausted

2010-10-13T22:15:00.004-05:00

Well, it has been a while since I posted.
Abby began doing well with her separation anxiety regarding school. Then there was Fall break. She was out an entire week in the care of a fun Nana. During this break, her regular teacher also left the school and she came back to a new teacher. Her behaviors are good in class and praise God for that. She likes her new teacher and all but earlier this week she has started crying again about going to school. I am not referring to regular crying but the intense running around like a chicken with your head cut off crying/fit throwing. I continue to be firm with her but I am a bit concerned about some of her anxious behaviors. For example, she had her cut tonight by our hairdresser. When we got home, she began literally freaking out and became obsessed with cutting her own hair (bangs) because they were bugging her. She went straight for the scissors. She was really going to do it and of course she got angry when I did not let her. Yes, I spanked her to no avail. Yes, I spoke of having things taken away to no avail. This child was high intensity to the max, panicking and all. I still think some of her anxiety relates to the divorce. I am pretty sure now that I am going to arrange for her to talk to someone regarding behaviors mentioned. I also may mention it to the guidance counselor. I took it for granted when she was doing so well and kind of let go of the reigns. Well, tonight was definitely a sign that she (and me) need some divine intervention. Prayers appreciated. :)

First Day...

2010-08-17T13:43:00.003-05:00

Abby had her first day of Jr. Kindergarten today. She did so well. I am so happy and relieved. In preschool, she had some concerns with separation anxiety. No tears today! Woo Hoo!! I know that she may have a harder time some days than others and that is to be expected. When I went to pick her up, she was smiling and very happy. She said that she did not want to go home. What?

Abby's teacher seems very nice. It is her first year teaching the Jr. Kindergarten class. Abby seems to like her very well also. Need to start thinking of some good Christmas presents. The office staff have been very helpful so far so I need to include them on my list. I may even make things, who knows? I am all excited now to start making goody bags for Halloween. Can you tell that Abby is not the only one excited?

2010-08-14T13:03:00.004-05:00

Well, Abby starts school next week. She is excited and so am I. Getting to this point myself was a little difficult at first. Let me explain. Rutherford County School system offered Kindergarten readiness classes for Summer birthdays. I had heard mainly wonderful things about this program and just knew that Abby was too advance for this program. At the informatin meeting, it was explained to the parents that this class is not for "slower students" but it is actually for the younger ones to have more time to grow and mature. In fact, you have to score high enough for the class to even qualify I have since found out. Well, Abby went for testing last week and she scored very well academically ( comparable scores to children who are 9 months older than her). Because she is a summer birthday, the screeners shared that Abby may benefit from the readiness program because she seemed to lack confidence. I was shocked at that comment. She had not been feeling well and at the Dr. later that day she had a temp of 104. Well, no wonder she was not thrilled and confident during the screening. I could not make a decision then and they offered for me to think about it. When I left and got into my care, I was crying like a baby. I just knew that Abby should go into Kindergarten and they have left all of this up to me. I had to sign a form either for to be in the Kindergarten readiness class or not.

I called her father and we talked about it. After talking and many tears on my end, it was decided that her being in the Kindergarten readniness class could do nothing but help her. If she is doing well academically now, think of how she will be in the future. Some of the parents and teachers shared experiences that the children who went through the Kindergarten readiness class are now leaders in advanced grades.

I realized it was my own pride that was getting in the way and causing my hesitation. Abby has been through a lot with the divorce and everything and she is used to being home with my Mom since was 3 months old except for preschool a couple of days a week. I am sure that she will benefit from the extra attention from the teacher as they describe it. There are only 12 students in the class at this time. They still participate in all of the things that the Kindegarten kids do including field trips and other fun activities. Oh, and I explained to Abby that she is starting Jr. Kindergarten and that she will be in Sr. Kindergarten next year.

She goes for a phase in day on this coming Tuesday from 8:00-10:30, goes 8:00-10:30 on Thursday, and has her first full day on Friday. I am very proud of my girl and look forward to a great school year. :)

Pictures to follow soon. :)

An Empath

2010-07-24T23:38:00.002-05:00

I have always considered myself to be a sensitive person and throughout some of my schooling was taught that it takes EMPATHY to work with others. I have studied this further and realized that I am an Empath. May sound odd to some whom are not familiar with the term but it helping me understand my feelings, specifically for conflict situations.

"Empathy is the ability to read and understand people and be in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one's empath capacity.

Empaths have the ability to scan another's psyche for thoughts and feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences. Many empaths are unaware of how this actually works, and have long accepted that they were sensitive to others.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding. "

**I have had several experiences where strangers will just start telling me their stories and struggles out of the blue. Most recently, I was on a business trip with come colleagues in a restaurant. A lady came up to me and just began talking about everything that was going on with her and the plans for her trip and how the heat was interfering..I should mention that there were several others at the table and it was like we were having our own personal conversation. Of course, after she left, I was asked if I "knew her". This type of things happens to me often.

The part that talks about being the peace maker is so true. I get so much anxiety at the thought of any conflict, disarray, etc. I become physically sick from it.

If you read all of this, thanks for reading my crazy thoughts..lol!!

My First Fondant Cake!

2010-05-13T19:35:00.003-05:00

This was fun to make and I see myself making more.
Thanks to my friend Lori and her hubby for their help. :)

Abby

2010-05-09T03:01:00.001-05:00

Stampin' Up

2010-04-18T22:12:00.003-05:00

I went to my first Stampin' Up workshop today. It was wonderful. I could make cards all day long! Time went by so fast. I purchased a bit more than I would like but hey, it's a hobby. :) I will be having a Stampin' Up class at my house the first Saturday of June. You can choose to pay $15 to attend and get to take home some cute cards/projects if you choose not to order. If you order and spend at least $15, you do not have to pay the $15. Clear as mud, huh?

These cards were so much fun to make.
I ended up ordering an embossing machine online today also. Since I have a cricut, I did not need the bigger machine that does the die cutting and embossing.

Check out the cards I made.

2010-03-25T23:54:00.003-05:00

8 WEEKS UNTIL DISNEY!!!!!

We are so excited!! I can not wait to go. Abby is especially excited. She went when she was two years old. She will be 5 in July so I know she will get a lot out of it.

I have been doing pretty good on program. It is night time and I weighed and I am down another 5 lbs. so that is 15 lbs. I hope the scale is down a bit more in the morning for my official number. I think weighing every 2 weeks is good for me because it helps me not obsess too much. I do need to exercise more regularly and drink more water. I need to build up all the endurance I can before I get out in that heat at Disney.

My Sweet Abby

2010-03-23T03:39:00.002-05:00

Abby has been saying some of the sweetest things lately and I know her thoughts will change in years to come but I want to share them now and remember them.

*We are watching a tv show about a teenager moving away from home.Abby hugs me really tight and tells me that she is always going to live with me and never leave. I asked her what about when she goes to college and gets a job and she tells me that she is still never leaving me (cant wait to remind her of this one). ha!

*something brings up the subject about that she will soon be invited to sleepovers because she is the one to usually host now and she literally ran into my arms, hugged me and said that she will only go to her friends houses if I can go with her.

So sweet and priceless! Must show her these when she is 13!!!

Me

2010-03-09T20:48:00.003-06:00

Well, I have been consistently on program for one week today. I have not been weighed officially or anything but according to my home scale I think it is safe to say that I have lost 8-9 pounds this week. yeah! I have worked out 5 days. another yeah! I usually can go one week on program then I lose my motivation. This time is different. I am ready for the real me to return and greet the world. Better look out!

Dreams

2010-02-20T16:15:00.003-06:00

The past couple of months I have been having more dreams about my Nana who passed away 5 years ago. I was 5 months pregnant with Abby. Wow, it seems so long but just like yesterday when I was holding her hand in the hospital right before she passed away. In last night's dream I remember feeling like I was waiting on something then my Nana was brought home. At first she was somewhat weak but then she and I started dancing and she became stronger. I told her how much I miss her and that I dream about her and that I think that she is communicating with me in my dreams and she confirmed my beliefs. She was hugging me so tight and I was crying a happy cry because I was so happy to see her.

Several weeks ago I had a dream that my Nana pulled up in a nice fancy white limo and got out of it and came up to me. I was so happy to see her. She was dressed in white and was glowing. She looked so beautiful. I remember that she was smiling really big and gave me a huge hug. Again, I remember feeling peaceful and there being a lot of light around her and everything was white and fancy. Well, the next day we got my Dad's results from his scan and his Dr. told him that he is in remission. Woo Hoo! A couple of days later I realized that my Nana was in my dream to comfort me and let me know that everything was going to be o.k.

I so treasure my dreams of my Nana and feel that she is there with me. I look forward to more dreams with her. :)

Time to get movin'

2010-02-18T21:58:00.002-06:00

We are going to Disney in 13 weeks. Woo hoo! I am so excited. Abby is too. I am not looking forward to the heat but I welcome the sunshine. I realize that I need to set a specific goal, to feel better and increase my endurance. I want to lose 35 pounds in 13 weeks. O.k., that is ideally. Realistically, I should be able to lose 25 pounds. That is about 2 lbs. a week. I won a gym membership to Gold's Gym. I am excited to start going. I have been sick this week so I am planning my sessions for next week.

Playin'

2010-02-11T23:36:00.003-06:00

Here are a few things I have created with my Cricut

I love the post-it note holder. It was so easy and you could really do so much with them. The one I did is simple but cute.
Sorry about the picture quality, I still have not gotten my new camera.

easy and fun (sounds like a personal ad huh?)

2010-01-31T21:05:00.003-06:00

These were easy to do and cute!

More Cricut stuff....

2010-01-20T12:03:00.003-06:00

I had wanted to post some of the gifts I made with my Cricut but I forgot to take the pics. I will try to publish things when I make them. That said, I did this playing around a couple of weeks ago.

The phrase with Love in it is on my mantle and you can figure out the other one. ha!

Cupcake card

2009-12-01T22:32:00.002-06:00

This is not the best picture because I think this turned out cute.

Cards

2009-11-28T11:35:00.002-06:00

I really enjoy making cards. There is alot more to making them than you would think though. I am still learning but loving it!

New Table

2009-11-25T15:28:00.003-06:00

I am so excited!

More Playin' on the Cricut

2009-11-24T23:04:00.003-06:00

Here a few more of the things I have made as I have been practicing and "getting to know" my Cricut. I have lots of room to improve but I will not learn until I try. :)
Oh and sorry for the poor pic quality, I had to use my picture phone and you may see a dot in some of the pics, that is my phone also, not a mistake..lol! seriously..

Cricut Fun

2009-11-20T19:19:00.002-06:00

I purchased a new Cricut a couple of weeks ago and I love it. Here are a few pics of things I have done. More pics to come.

Note: The Happy Birthday wine glass broke and shattered. I am so glad that I had taken a picture of it..:)

Update

2009-10-22T21:27:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I have updated. Halloween is next week. I am so ready for the holidays. I am ready to decorate for Christmas. Everthing seems more and more fun each year Abby gets older. Abby is doing well in preschool. The first 2 weeks there were tears but things are good now. I am so proud of her. She is do outgoing and loves to perform in front of others. I wonder where she gets that from? Her teacher says that she is doing very well and that she is more than ready for kindergarten next year. She also has shared that Abby give her no trouble and does very well (yeah, she saves her attitude for me..ha! ).

Dad had a scan about a month ago and it revealed positive results. He has to get a scan every 4 months for a while, then the time between scans will be spanned out more.

It has been a year since my ex and I separated (or had "the talk"). I still have hard moments but I am told that this may continue for a very long time. I will get through this. I feel it is time to start taking care of myself and stop hiding behind my insecurities. I am only 33, too young to be sad.....

Abby's First Day of Preschool

2009-08-18T12:54:00.002-05:00

Preschool Stuff--Third Time's a Charm

2009-08-16T21:11:00.002-05:00

We went to the orientation for Abby's preschool today. She was very excited. When we went into her classroom guess who the only child asking tons of questions about naps, snacks and playtime was? Yep, my Abby. She was really cute. The other parents even commented on her questioning (nicely of course). he he..Her teacher seems really nice too.

The class is small, only 8 in the preschool class which i think will actuall be good for Abby at this point. For those that do not know, I tried to place Abby in preschool when she was 2 and 3. She did well with the other children and all but she had big separation anxiety issues. Now I feel that she is old enough and basically we BOTH have to venture outside our comfort zone. I expect some tears Tuesday morning but I know that she (and me) will be o.k. This is for her benefit. :)

Speaking of school, Abby is really exhibiting that she is learning a lot and eager to learn. She is recognizing more letters (a goal I had) and she can write her name, identify some small words, and tries to sound out words. She just turned 4 and I know we have an entire year before Kindergarten but I really want her to feel confident in her abilities.

Abby Grace is 4

2009-07-19T17:07:00.002-05:00

My baby girl is now 4 years old!! Her birthday was Thursday and after work we met at Red Robin. Mom and Dad brought her and suprised her by having her cousin, Lexi, there. Lexi spent the night that night and I took off work on Friday. On Friday evening she had a party at her Dad's house. Saturday morning, she had a birthday party at Discovery Center. After the party, celebrations continued at home with family and friends. She had a great weekend although next year, things may be more low key. I think that was a lot for her over the course of a few days. It also was her first birthday where she had "two"birthdays.

Abby is growing up so fast. She continues to love to perform (sing and dance) but still gets shy from time to time.Abby will go up to people and ask them if they want to play when we are out somewhere. She craves that acceptance of others so much and gets her feelings hurt if someone does not play with her. I remind her of the importance of playing alone sometimes but it can be a challenge. She is even more strong willed than before but able to communicate her needs, wants and demands (ha) very clearly. She is very inquisitive and has an excelent memory. Abby will remind me where I misplace things a lot and comment that I "should remember better". Too cute. She enjoys "reading" books and telling stories. She also enjoys drawing and painting (much more than I ever have). She does well and has a vivid imagination.

Abby wants to play t-ball really bad. We talked about dance, modeling, cheerleading, karate and soccer and she is determined to play t-ball. We missed the deadline for the Fall but I do plan to let her play in the Spring.

Abby will be starting preschool (third attempt and it will be successful) in a few weeks. She will be going 2 days a week. I can not believe that this time next year that we will be getting ready for her to start Kindergarten. Wow!! I remember being pregnant and wondering about how she will look and act. I remember holding her excited about all that was to come. People told me that time will go by fast and that I should enjoy it. Wish I would have listened more to them. I know she is only 4 but it has gone by pretty fast.

Princess Talk

2009-06-26T07:47:00.008-05:00

I am having so much fun preparing for Abby's birthday events. Her party will be at Discovery Center and it is a "Princess and Pirate theme". They are supposed to have a treasure hunt which I have a hard time imagining how they plan to pull that one of at Discovery Center which several children. Abby will be wearing a Princess dress and the guests are encouraged to dress up also. I better take lots of pics or better yet assign that task to someone else. he he. The invitations are adorable. I found them online and a good friend's hubby finalized them for me. I will try to convert them to post here later to look at.

I am getting a Disney castle cake which I am thrilled about. I have spent hours tyring to make up my mind on cakes vs. cupcakes and what style of cake I wanted. I cant wait to see Abby's face when she sees everything. I think I am planning the Princess party I may have always wanted.. I cant wait until her Sweet Sixteen party. I know, I am silly.

Her birthday party will not be on her actual birthday and I am taking off work the day of her birthday. I plan to give her the "royal treatment" on her birthday. The day will start with breakfast in bed up on her awakening to some flowers and balloons beside her bed. I may let her bestie, her cuz, stay the night before, to make things more fun for Abby. I ordered one of her gifts off of EBay last night. It lists for $250.00+ and I got it for $99.00. It is Disney's Enchanted Castle and it has the Cinderella and Prince Charming doll with it. I will let her open this present after the morning events.

I will probably then take her to the park or Splash pad or whatever she chooses within reason. That evening for dinner we will meet up with Mom and Dad. I will bring a few small presents for her to open also. There are some cute accesories that go with the castle that I bet I purchase pretty soon. Check out the pic of the doll cake that I plan to bring to dinner. Too cute!!

I guess you can tell I am a little bit excited, huh?? Oh, and I would soo love to be able to have a real life Cinderella show up to surpirse her. Any good Cinderellas out there???

Just came across this and it is on a yacht!! I better start saving! :) This would be great for Sweet Sixteen!
Cinderella’s Ball

3 hour private charter
Welcome Sparkling Cider
Exclusive use of Bride’s Room: Extra hour to get ready with your VIPS
Fresh Flower Arrangements on tables
DJ
Birthday Cake
Seated Dinner with Salad and Main Entree
Table runners
Chair Ties
Unlimited Soft Drinks
“Mock”-tinis
Candy table- 5 types in your favorite color
Balloon Decorations
Golf Cart Departure with Sparklers
Captain Prince Charming
Formal Attire
Snowball Dance

$4,500.00 for 50 guests*

Each additional guest $80.00*
*plus tax and gratuity

All Packages are customizable.

Update

2009-06-07T11:55:00.004-05:00

If you read my blog or know me you more than likely know that my father was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma last October called testicular lymphoma. He went through 6 rounds of chemotherapy 3 weeks apart. He also had another kind of chemotherapy where they injected the "poison" into his spine. He also had a testicle removed and had radiation completed to the other testicle. He has been through so much. Let's fast forward to last Friday. He had a scan earlier in the week to see if s chemo worked and all that good stuff. Well, the Dr. said everything looked great!! Praise God!

Ironically that night was Murfreesboro relay for life event. I went and purchased a luminary for Dad and my Nana. Cancer is such an ugly word. Lexi came with us and the girls had a blast! The pics are from that night.

Thoughts...

2009-05-10T16:58:00.000-05:00

I am learning more and more that somedays I think have this divorce thing down packed and that everything will be great. Then the next day, it is like I wake up and fall flat on my face. I experience such a variety of intense feelings such as anger, sadness, loneliness, resentment and guilt (thinking I could have done more to change the outcome I did not want); I could go on and on. Sometime I feel like I am in a daze and I am just going through the motions. I do not have much hope and faith in relationships at this point. I say this not only from personal experience but from observing other couple’s relationships. I really wonder how many couples are truly happy. Ask me another day and my answer may be different.

It has been really hard to take care of things around the house that my ex used to take care of. You really don’t realize until you are the one digging the dirt to cover up a hole that the dogs dug under the fence; worry about bugs and other creatures, yard work and many other things that need to be done.

The hardest thing of all is watching my daughter experience this. I am the one she tells that she misses her father (even though she saw him the night before) and that she does not want two homes anymore. It really breaks my heart. I hold her and let her know that I love her and also that her father loves her. She has and continues to adjust well but I know it is hard on her. I am sure there is so much that she does not understand.

My friends wills say that I am strong and handling things well. The reality of that is that is that I really am not handling things all that well. I have never experience such sadness over anything in my life that continues to feel like someone has knocked the breath out of me. I have cried more than my share of tears. I know that a divorce is compared to a death so there is a grieving process. This takes time. I so wish that I could press the fast forward button into the future.

Still movin on...

2009-04-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

I have not posted in a while so I thought it was about time for an update. I am working on me and finding out who I really am and what I want in life. I have to admit that the wounds from the "D" still hurt more than I like to think they do some days. Time and positive thinking will help me, I know. I have been reading some about the "The Law of Attraction" and it actually makes sense. Pity never gets anyone anywhere. Universe, I am ready for anything…..bring it on.. (just make sure he has that tribal tattoo I melt for)..:)

My birthday is Friday and I will be 33 years young. When my mother was 33, I was already 16! Wow!! She seemed much "older" to me then than how I see myself now. Sorry Mom. 

Abby is growing up more every day. I really think that she is going through a growth spurt because she has been eating more than she ever has!! She is usually a light eater, but not lately. Last night, she even ate almost an entire burrito from Taco Bell, which is a lot for her to eat. She got a hair cut about two weeks ago and it looks cute. I plan to take her back every 6 weeks because she was not too thrilled to go this last time.

Abby's vocabulary continues to amaze me. She has been saying some of the most grown up sounding sentences. You know, the kind when you look at someone else in the room, like, did she just say that? She uses descriptives often. She was referring to a little statue that Mom had and said, "look at that limestone figurine". I was like, limestone? She was right.. guess she heard it once and never forgot about it. A few other phrases I can recall are "he is certainly " and her referring to "sand dunes". There are many more examples, I just can not think of them now. Her stuttering has greatly improved. I do think the speech teacher was right when she said that it was a normal developmental issue and the timing of the divorce may have made it worse. Abby is easy to understand most of the time and even more clearer I have noticed lately.

She knows her shapes and colors. She can draw shapes also. She can do some small addition and subtraction (when she wants to). He he… She is recognizing more letters and this is something that I really want to work on. She practices her name and has done it well on several occasions. She also is practicing how to tie her shoes. Mom played checkers with her yesterday and she caught on really fast and pulled some good moves on Mom. I noticed as she was talking to me last night that her expressions are more adult like also. My little girl is growing up way fast. She is enrolled for pre-school at a church across the highway from us starting in the Fall on Tuesdays and Thursdays of every week. Mom will be taking her and dropping her off as I will be at work during the hours of school (thanks Mom)!! We have unsuccessful attempts in the past but this one will be successful. She will be 4 years old and basically, we owe this to her to prepare her for Kindergarten next year. (wiping away tears).

2009-03-22T20:21:00.002-05:00

The weekend was beautiful I was bascially low key most of the weekend. On Friday, I went after work to see the movie, "Knowing". I thought that it was an awesome movie! I actually kind of like going to the movies by myself.

On Saturday, me, Abby and Dad went to different fishing spots in Smyrna. We had a blast. I got a lot on film and I am trying to remember how to save to a disc (my movie camera is weird like that).

Today, Abby and stayed at home all day. We were outside the majority of the time and it was a beautiful day. Abby would sleep out there if I would let her.

I have a pretty busy week ahead of me so I better go rest.

Friendship Bread

2009-03-13T21:30:00.002-05:00

I received my gift from Shannon (see my post below for more information). The bread was so good. I ate it for lunch 2 days in a row and for dessert the other days. It was a very nice gift that came from the heart. (and went straight to my tummy and hips). :)

Snow Princess

2009-03-01T14:10:00.001-06:00

Pay It Forward

2009-02-26T21:13:00.001-06:00

I saw this on my friend Shannon's blog and thought this was such a great idea.
The Rules:

1. Be one of the first THREE bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy, who knows?!

2. Winners must post this challenge on their blog, meaning that they will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on their post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you send to your friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate pictures and comments!

If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along.Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same! SO, REMEMBER...Pay it forward!P.S. If you are one of the first three and don't have a blog to post you can take the next three friends that call you just to chat and Pay It Forward to them! Then challenge them to do the same. Let's help make this a wonderful world to live in and show our friends how much we care for them

Boy Talk

2009-02-20T20:51:00.004-06:00

I can not believe the conversation that I had with Abby tonight. She is truly upset because she asked her 12 year old cousin if he would be her boyfriend and he said no. I had to console my 3 year old daughter for her heartbreak (seriously).

What?? She said and I quote " I guess no one wants to be my boyfriend, not Justin (the cousin), Willy Wonka because he is busy making chocolate all of the time or Charlie. ????

I could not believe what I was hearing. I explained to her that she will have all the time in the future to date and said that she can not date until she is 16 anyways. She told me that she HAS to have a boyfriend, now. She also mentioned kissing boys. What?? The whole conversation was cute but really made me anxious. If she is saying this as 3, what will I do as she gets older?? I know that her other cousin, Caiti, whom is 12, has a boyfriend and I figure she talks about him a lot and I am assuming Abby has heard her talking about boys. This is one of the times hanging around older friends/cousins may backfire. She knows way too much!! Of course I told her that she is beautiful and that any boy will be glad to have her many many years from now and that she should focus on having fun. She also said that she does not like little boys but that she likes older taller boys.

But isn't that the kind of conversation that you you have with a 10-12 year old??

Oh, I have so much to look forward to.

Ta Da!

2009-02-11T18:02:00.005-06:00

I was so impressed by a friends's tutu's that she made her daughters that I asked her to help me make one. Even though I am not crafty,and she helped me a lot, I am proud of the finished product. I plan to give this to Abby as one of her Valentine's Day gifts.

Weekend Blues

2009-02-08T18:36:00.004-06:00

My weekends usually go pretty smooth but this one was a little rough. Friday after work I went to a movie by myself. I saw "He's Just Not Into You". The movie was great but I think it stirred up a lot of emtions inside of me regarding relationships (past, present and future).

T had Abby Friday night and he was not feeling well. I had mentioned that it was no problem that she could stay home that night. He really wanted to see her so he went ahead and took her. I found out that her cousin was having a birthday party the next day. This was an "official" reminder that I am officially out of the loop with things going on with his family. He said that he had forgotten to tell me. It may not make sense but I think me being sometimes a "control freak" (I admit it) is making everything a little harder AND the fact that I like to avoid any conflict I guess does not help.

During the night Friday night I wake up literally gasping for breath. I am supposed to be wearing a C-Pap but I did not like the machine. 80% of users are not compliant, so I am not alone. I have decided to go ahead and call the sleep Dr. and talk about alternatives to the C-Pap. I know there is a mouthpiece of some kind. that can be somewhat helpful.

I woke up with in one of the most depressed moods that I have EVER been in. I was crying and actually felt hopeless and alone. I know the fact the the separation ( D word) is coming up very soon and that may the reason for the emotions. When you end a relationship with a partner, you also lose mutual relationships and I am finding this a lot harder than I thought that I would. I feel left out now from a lot of things and I know that it somewhat how it should be but it is hard. My family is very small and besides me seeing my Mom and Dad and I do not have much contact with the rest of family on a regular basis. I do have great friends but I am grieving losses of relationships with people that I used to have that will not be the same anymore (that is how the books explain it).

Mom called and I was just crying and she asked if I had called any friends. I told her I hadn't. I thought about it, but I usually am able to take care of things myself. I have never really been one to cry to a friend although all my life I have been on the receiving end ( I know, my choice). Mom ended up talking me into meeting her for lunch. We had lunch and we went to Cato. I felt a little better but as soon as I was heading home, all the alone feelings were coming back to me. I could go on and on about my emotions but I will spare you guys.

Saturday night a friend called and came over and we watched some movies. Abby and her cousin did not get here until 7:00. I was feeling better and actually had a pretty good night. Then as I am heading to bed at around 1:00, I hear an odd noise and a thump, it was Abby screaming crying, them she vomits..all over herself, me and the floor, carpet, toys, etc. You can imagine the rest of my night from there.

So here we are Sunday evening and my mood is overall better. I still am washing rugs and towels from last night's and today's events. I hope that tonight that Abby rests better and that she gets better soon. I have a busy week of work ahead of me. If you read this far, kudos!!

Think about it....

2009-02-06T13:46:00.000-06:00

**got this from an e-mail from my Grandfather**

ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVE

They're written by Andy Rooney , a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don 't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Decor Deals

2009-02-03T19:35:00.006-06:00

I went shopping at Hobby Lobby and scored some great deals! The last picture will go over the couch in the den. It is much bigger than the picture potrays. The other two items I purchasd to redecorate my living room. Dad has agreed to paint this Spring. I may give in and put up some things early as I plan to continue to pick up things. My living room has not been redecorated since we first moved in, 8 years ago!!

Computer whiz

2009-02-01T20:49:00.003-06:00

Abby has been actually able to play games by herself on the computer. I am so proud of her. She has learned how to control the mouse and point, click and drag what she wants. I am amazed. I want to get her a smaller mouse so she will have one more "friendly" for her. She also was able to write a couple of letters tonight and she identifies letters often when I am not expecting it. I do plan to start working with her more on writing her letters. I am so proud of my baby girl. I can't believe that she will be 4 later this year.

The LG-VU My New Phone!

2009-01-31T17:16:00.005-06:00

Has been ordered!!

You can copy and paste to learn more about it:
http://reviews.cnet.com/cell-phones/lg-vu/4505-6454_7-32815554.html

About Abby....

2009-01-28T17:09:00.004-06:00

I had noticed that Abby appeared to be stuttering some. I thought that it had gotten worse since things have changed at home and I know that disruptions and stress can be a cause for the onset of stuttering. I was in speech class in 1st grade but I was only in a month and I began to help the other children. I had spoken to Abby's Dr. about it and she shared that she was not concerned and believed that she is going through a developmental thing that many children go through. She still said that a referral to a speech therapist would not hurt.

Abby had her evaluation today. The therapist was awesome. She was about my age and was really good with Abby. She observed Abby's speech and gathered information from me regarding the onset, duration, etc. Well, long story short she said that she does NOT think that Abby needs speech therapy. She thinks that she will more than likely outgrow this and that the changes in her home environmnet may have something to do with this (my hunch was right, poor baby). She shard that usually when the person only repeats the first letter that is usually something they grow out of. Translation: she was not concerned and Abby's occasional stuttering is normal for her age. The therapist gave me some brochures but assumed that I have probably already most of the tips and all on how to handle it when your child occasionally stutters (she was right). She suggested that if she has not improved in 6 months to give her a call to further discuss a plan of action. I was relieved to hear this.

Dreams

2009-01-25T19:33:00.002-06:00

I have been having some really weird dreams lately. If there was a chance, I would even wonder if I was pregnant because the dreams have been so vivid. LOL!

Night before last I dreamt that I had two babies within 20 minutes of each other but everyone told me that they were not twins. I was worrying about the babies fitting in the Murano with Abby. One of the babies was of a different nationality and I could not remember who his father was. oops!! I even went to the store to get formula but I could not decide to get Good Start or Similac. There were a lot more details in the dream but you get the overall idea. Dream interpretation revealed that the dream could mean that I am going through major life changes (you think?) and that a new relationship is on the horizon (great!).

I have a theme that recurs in many of my dreams. I am in college and I did not finish all of my credits (one class) and I am always searching for the teacher to retake the class so that I can graduate. This dream is always so frustrating.. weird, I know. It kind of sounds like unfinished business in a way. Maybe I am not done with school. Who knows! I already have spent 6 years in college and have earned a Master's degree. Is there a Doctorate degree in my future?

Christmas shopping..in January

2009-01-17T11:58:00.002-06:00

Yep, I have been. I got some good deals at Target. I am done buying birthday presents and Christmas presents for Abby's cousins. I love a good buy. Yeah me!

Movie Night Monday

2009-01-12T20:11:00.002-06:00

I must have a lot of emotions built up. I went to rent a movie at McDonald's tonight for the first time..yeah, I know, a little late..anyways...

I cried almost the entire time. It was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time!! If you need a good cry, watch this movie!

"Based on the acclaimed book by Jerry Jenkins, this Hallmark Channel family drama stars Cheryl Ladd as Elizabeth Leroy Bishop, a dedicated Christian who devotes herself to serving God. Spanning 50 years, the film highlights the unwavering faith of Elizabeth, who endures heartbreaking loss and tragedy while on her spiritual journey, ultimately learning that her piety has transformed others. Amy Grabow plays Elizabeth in her younger days. :

I WAS serious

2009-01-05T20:22:00.004-06:00

I ordered this from Amazon.com tonight. One of my New Year's resolutions is to listen to the audio version of the bible so this is a step towards completing it. Go me!

Chores and Trains

2009-01-05T17:06:00.004-06:00

On Sunday, Abby was my little helper. She helped me cut out coupons, literally. She was able to cut them out very well(she was able to follow the dotted lines) until she got bored and would start ripping them out. She gets that from me. LOL!
Abby also helped me fold some laundry and she was able to put her laundry in her drawers in her room. We talked about chores and an allowance. Abby then picked up her toys several times throughout the day and night. Now I must keep this up with her as I know that consistency is key. She picked out a toddler chore chart that I found online and she knows that after 5 smiley faces in each of her areas that she will get $5 to go to the store and pick out something.

Also, Abby did not tell me until Christmas morning that she had wanted a Polar Express Choo Choo train. Long story short, I explained to her that I had mailed Santa and told him and that because she has been such a good girl that Santa was going to try to make one for her. It came in the mail today and Mom called me while she opened it. She was screaming and soo excited. The phone pics were hilarious. She was dancing around saying, I believe, I believe, from the movie. The train set even came with the big bell. Too cute. Makes me very happy to have been able to do that for her. She loves Polar Express. I have to actually beg her to watch other movies/shows. LOL!

Skating Queen

2009-01-03T19:47:00.003-06:00

Abby went to her first skating rink birthday party. Abby loves to skate and does so often around the house in her Barbie skates. She was so excited and did very well. I think that it helped that they "tightened" them up so she was less likely to fall but I have to say that she did not fall once..while she was on skates. She took off her skates and went on the skate floor to participate in wipeout. Well, she wiped out alright, she busted her lip. She was fine with some ice and was ready to go back out there. I thought I would share some pics. It was her friend, Emily's party. Emily is my best friend's (way back from 7th grade) daughther. Me and her mother, Jennifer used to go skating together so it was really neat to see the girls skating together.

2009 Resolutions

2009-01-03T19:45:00.001-06:00

I am looking forward to reviewing these in one year to see how I did.

Here they are:

1) attain healthier habits (not just for myself for Abby)
2) cook more
3) read 1 book a month
4) work on my "whole" self--self reflection, etc. find out who I am and feel comforable with that person before I even consider dating again..yep I said the dating word...
5) grow spiritually (should be #1)
6) listen to the bible on CD--I admit I have never read the entire bible and I do not feel comfortable with that.
7) be on time for work
8) work on my mood towards and while I am at work. I am blessed to have the job I have.
9)take more pics of Abby, especially with my Dad and Mom

Reflection

2009-01-02T18:19:00.002-06:00

Well, I have to admit that I am very happy for 2009 to be here. I have had some tough times in 2008. Fall/Winter of 2008 seemed to be hardest for me. Separation from an 11 year relationship/marriage occured and I found out that my father has a rare form of cancer, one with very little research about it. Heck, his Doctors are even using his case for teaching the Interns. The good news is that he has had 4 rounds of chemo and he is doing well and I feel that he will continue to do so God willing. Unfortuneately, the other event is still real and a formal separation (the D word), is expected in Feb. even with prayers, tears, and more prayers.

I realized that my "perfect" life is not so perfect. I had been very blessed with very little tragedies my life until recently. I do know that we have to experience the stormy days to appreciate the sunny days and believe me, I do. I have to say that without my faith in God that I am not sure where I would be right now but praise God!

Funny.....

2008-12-30T16:49:00.001-06:00

Important Women's Health Issue:
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your
doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and your actions.
Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you
tell the world th at you're ready and willing to do just about
anything.

You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost
immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can
overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you
want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you
will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding
and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may n ot be right for everyone. Women who are
pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women
who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration

Loss of motor control
>
> Loss of clothing
>
> Loss of money
>
> Headache
>
> Dehydration
>
> ; Dry mouth
>
> And a desire to sing Karaoke
>
> WARNING:
>
> The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are
> whispering when you are not.
>
> WARNING:
>
> The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
>
> WARNING:
>
> T he consumption of Margaritas may cause you to
> think you can sing.
>
> WARNING:
>
> The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting
>
> Thank you.

The Hair Debate

2008-12-23T20:34:00.003-06:00

Abby's hair has gotten pretty long. When it is all combed out, it is almost to the bottom of her back. She has had several trims but we have not had much length cut off. I was thinking about taking Abby to get her hair cut at a place where she could get pampered too after her hair cut (bribery). She immediately starting freaking telling me that she has to keep her hair long and that she does not want her cut short. I initially thought it was just the overall haircutting, but she eventually agreed to get a "small trim". Come on, she is only 3 and she already has preferences about her hair??? Oh, what fun things are in store for me in the years to come!! :) But I'll take every bit of it! (smile)

Small steps

2008-12-23T18:56:00.003-06:00

Look what I made today. Easy to make but hey, anything that takes effort I can claim. LOL! I took the 7 layer taco dip to work today for a luncheon and several people told me how good it was. There was none left! I made some spinach dip earlier for Mom's tomorrow and it turned out good also. Abby and I baked some cupcakes and cookies tonight also. I know the dishes mentioned are not out of the ordinary but I am making a conscious effort at preparing more food at home and the above are the beginning of my baby steps......

Fun day

2008-12-06T16:41:00.002-06:00

Today Abby and I had a fun day. May not sound like much to others but we had a blast. I only wish she did not have her cold so she could have enjoyed it more. This morning we started off by playing yard sale. She loves to sell things and buy them back. Too cute. We went to KFC for lunch and went to see Madagascar 2. The movie was really cute. Abby took about a 20 minute nap but it was her naptime. I wish that they showed movies earlier for toddlers who still take naps. We also took our picture in a picture booth and made some sticker pictures. Too much fun. I know in years to come, she would not be caught dead with me taking pics in a picture booth at an arcade so I am going to ejoy it while I can. I had a glimpse into years to come of us going and having manicures and pedicures. yeah right.. she'll only want me there to pay..LOL! Anyways.. I can't wait.

a new family member...

2008-11-28T20:22:00.002-06:00

Biscuit, the interactive doggy that is.

Abby received some early Christmas money from Santa and wanted to purchase initially the Giddy Up Pony. Most stores were sold out of Giddy Up and she chose Biscuit. He is pretty neat. He really is interactive and answers to commands. Very cute! More pricey than I think it should be but Abby loves it!!!

Atlanta

2008-11-25T18:18:00.003-06:00

I went to Atlanta yesterday with my friends Lesley and Sandy. We went to see Madonna at the Phillips Arena. After getting lost in downtown Atlanta I finally found the hotel. It was really nice. I love valet parking! Especially in a town that I am unfamiliar with.

Madonna is still an awesome performer. The show was supposed to start at 8:00 and it did not start until close to 10:00. After the concert, we went back to the room and ordered pizza and hung out a bit.

Oh,I have to mention that we went to IKEA. Oh My Goodness!! That place is wonderful! I could have stayed there for hours. I had no idea that they had a showroom displaying their merchandise. Now I understand what the big fuss has been about that place. I definitely would love to go back.

We have the Golden Ticket

2008-11-04T15:24:00.003-06:00

I am so excited! This is Abby's all time favorite movie and we are going to see the play December 27th. This should be one of her favorite Christmas presents. I also bought Mom a ticket since we all three love Willy Wonka. Abby will be disappointed no to see Johnny Depp though. LOL!! She says he is her "boyfriend".

Halloween 2008

2008-10-31T20:45:00.003-05:00

Just thoughts....

2008-10-27T21:27:00.003-05:00

Today Dad went for a special form of chemotherapy where they inject the "poison" (as the Dr. and Dad calls it) into your spine. Dad needs this because the type of lymphoma he has is known to hide in the brain, so we are hopefully preventing something horrible.
Poor Dad, there was miscommunication between the oncologist and the hospital so a short trip turned into an all day deal. He got there at 8:45 and we did not leave until 7:30!!! I left work at 3:00 to go sit with him and we thought he would be released soon but he was not. Dad was getting very impatient and anxious about going home. He even said " I am ready to get the hell out of here". I knew he meant business when he said that. LOL! I overcame my tendency to avoid conflict and very tactfully (of course) stepped outside and let the nurse know that my Dad was ready to go home.
I am surprised that I was as fine as I was, seeing my Dad in the hospital bed and all. I know it is so hard for him because he is used to being so active. He was hoping to go back to work but now he has to wait unti Wednesday. I told him that he really should go Wed. because I think it will do him some good. He wants to go back to work. The side effects usually kick in from chemo at about day 7 or so. Day 7 is Friday so I want him to be able to go to work, at least for a few days and hopefully rest on the weekend.

I am not sure if I am noticing things because of what we know but I cant help but notice that he looks "weaker", if that makes sense. He got hit double whammy because he had the surgery a few days before his chemotherapy so he has a lot going on. I love to see him talking to and watching Abby. That is one of the few times I see the sparkle in his eyes. It was sad tonight because we left soon after I brought Dad home from the hospital. Abby said to Dad, "I did not get to play with you Pepaw". I know it kills him because he can not do right now what he used to do with her. Of course there are a lot of things they can do. Abby talks about him not feeling well and that she can give him some medicine to make him feel better (she sure can). :)

Is this really happening?

2008-10-18T00:15:00.003-05:00

I have never had as much mess going on in my life as I do now. I thank God for my belief, faith and hope or I am not sure how I would be. Besides my father having cancer (that was so hard to type that.. I erased it several times, I am about to undergo a very big change in my personal life. Talk about timing!!! I have been trying my best to be strong in all areas, especially in front of people, but I feel that I am really losing it. It is after midnight and I have been crying for the past hour. I have cried so hard and prayed on my hands and knees that I do not know what else to do. I have to stop several times as I type this because of my crying. This is not a please pity me post, this is a way for me to let my true feelings out in what I feel is a safe way.

I wanted to share this before I forget: I was severely depressed and hopeless about both situations a bit earlier, while I was praying I heard a "voice" say "FIGHT". It sounded like the voice of my Nana who is in heaven. I know you may be thinking, o.k. time to send her to the psych ward. Whatever it was, I feel that I was meant to hear that. I need to insist on not giving up and "fight" for peace in my life and for those around me. This meaning of fighting is not in a negative tone but more of a "don't give up tone".

O.K. my head is pounding so bad now. I am going to go take something and pray that I can sleep peacefully. If you have read this, please say a prayer for me and my family. I just want to wake up in the morning and find out that everything has been a bad dream. Darn negativity, there it goes again.. I need to sign off now.

Mommy, I wannna go an another vacation...

2008-10-12T20:44:00.002-05:00

Abby was too cute when we got home from Gatlinburg. She was not ready to go home. She said she did not want the vacation to end. Sweet girl. Me, Thomas, his parents, Abby and Lexi (Abby's 3 year old cousin)left for Gatlinburg on Thursday and we returned today, Sunday. Here is a brief run down of our days. Pics will be added later.

Thursday: arrive late in the evening, welcomed by Pigeon Forge traffic, found cabin easy as it was only 3 miles from downtown Gatlinburg, got a few groceries, Abby and Lexi love spiral stairs going to our room

Friday: Dollywood, kids had fun but I think I will wait until Abby is 7 to take her back to an amusement park, there is only so much she can do, ate dinner at Mr. Ghetti's ( I miss the one in Murfreesboro). Abby falls down spiral stairs while she and Lexi are playing but she is fine. Abby and Lexi argue off and on throughout evening, went to Jubilee entertainment show (really cute!!). I would have loved to have gone to more shows!!

Saturday: Aquarium, shopping, drove up the mountain to Clingman's Dome, listened to 3 backseat drivers all the way..lol! jk! lunch back at cabin to eat some of the food we bought, relaxed in jacuzzi and hot tub, got a horrible headache (worse than my migraines) and disoriented (vision impaired and all) from hot tub, was ill for over an hour, very worried..finally back to normal.lol!! The kids fight like siblings.. seeing too much of each other..lol!!!

Sunday: get up early, pack and get on the road. Stop to potty several time. Abby had a few accidents the entire trip in the van. Not sure if she was too excited or not but it was a bit odd for her, stuck in traffic on 40 for nearly an hour for a minor fender bender that was pulled to the side of the interstate, take in-laws home, deliver van back at rental place, dinner and home to clean.. woo hoo!!!

Things learned from this trip:

*carry a portable potty in van depsite what other adults on the trips opinions are
*carry wipes--what was I thinking???? messy faces and other messes
*bring DVD players (only had one, didn't want fighting)--should rent van with built in DVD player
*purchase the same type toys(lesson for a mom of an only child.. I heard "she won't share with me" a hundred times
*plan a trip by myself soon!! :)

We really did have a fun time. I say the above with humor.

Zoo Time

2008-10-05T20:32:00.004-05:00

Mom, Dad and me and Abby went to the zoo on Saturday. We had a nice time and Abby loved the zoo.

Lemonade anyone??

2008-09-20T20:59:00.002-05:00

Thomas built Abby a really cute and sturdy lemonade stand. She and Thomas painted it last night. She wanted to paint it yellow because she said "lemons are yellow so my stand has to be too". Well, it rained last night and the paint was not all the way dry so I was not able to use the stencils we got to put the word "lemonade" on the top. That will be a project for next Summer! She will be able to use the stand for many years to come. Abby wanted to charge $2 or $3 a glass and I had to convince her to only charge 25 cents. LOL! She ended up with close to $20.00. She had a blast today. After the sale, we went to her cousin, Ashlynn's, birthday party. She was 2 yesterday. Happy Birthday Ashlynn!

Abby's Peeps

2008-09-07T20:54:00.003-05:00

Many of you know that Abby is an only child. She gets a lot of her socialization from her cousins, Cody and Lexi. Cody is just turned 4 and Lexi will not be 4 until Feb. That's right, she is only 5 months older than Abby. They are best buds. Today, it was so cute, Lexi asked if she could move in with us. Of course, Abby told her she could. LOL!!! I hope they all remain close as they get older.

Tea, Please

2008-09-07T16:58:00.003-05:00

My Saturday Night

2008-09-06T21:55:00.004-05:00

Abby and I did some activities on the computer tonight. We were painting a picture online and I asked her what colors she wanted to use and she got all of her colors correct! I know she has known her colors but often times when asked she does not get them correct if she does not think about it. We were having fun and I guess she was more relaxed and she named several colors correctly. We also did some letter recognition activities too and she was able to recognize several letters. She was able to differentiate between big and little letters too. I have purchased some wall posters (alphabet and numbers) and days of the week that I need to hang up in her study area of the den. I need to get back in the swing of things with her because she has so much potential!

Changes

2008-08-28T21:52:00.000-05:00

To make a very long story short, Abby is no longer in preschool. She is staying with my Mom again. Thanks Mom!! Abby did well the first 2 weeks then last weekend she started displaying very odd, anxious behaviors. Poor child even lost some weight as she would not eat. She was waking up crying and just overall having a really hard time. After a lot of thinking and praying we decided to take her out. In the past couple of days, I have my daughter back. Her moods are better and she is eating again. We all are different and we made a decision that was right for our family at this time.

School Days

2008-08-20T09:53:00.000-05:00

Preschool has been a major change for all of us, especially Abby. She had a rough first couple of days but she adjusted very quickly and is now excited to go to school. I know that some days may still be rough, but I now know that we can both handle this thing called school. I am very proud of myself too, for not taking her out the first day. I had support from friends and family but it was actually the hardest thing I have ever done. Abby has been with my Mom while I work since she was 3 months old. I knew that she would benefit from preschool but it was hard for me to "let her go" into the real world without my protection.

Abby goes to school every day from 8:00-12:00 (Monday- Friday). She loves her teachers, Ms. Bonnie and Ms. Whitney. The Director of the school is awesome too! They were so supportive to Abby and me throughout the transition process. They will definitely be getting good Christmas presents from us!

I signed up to be a representative for the room on the school council. (and it all begins..LOL!). I plan to volunteer for upcoming field trips and class parties. Can you tell I am loving all of this?

I have some pics that I will post when my home computer gets fixed.

Emotional Rollercoaster

2008-08-08T10:13:00.000-05:00

I am full of so many emotions right now. Today is the day we met Abby's teachers and got to visit her classroom. This morning she had a negative attitude towards school and did not want to go and even said that she would be mean to the teachers. This was the first of any negativity about school I had heard from her. I feel the anxiety building up.

When we pulled in the parking lot, it was a different story. She was so excited! She is in the "Cardinals" classroom. When she walked into the classroom she instantly starting playing and spending time with the assistant teacher. One of her classmates came in and Abby went up to her and asked her if she wanted to play. The little girl was shy and did not want to play but I was proud of Abby. Her teacher mentioned that she bets Abby may be one of the leaders of the class.

When it was time to go, Abby did not want to go. I had to bribe her to leave. LOL!
However, when we left she ran to the playground and was throwing a fit to go in it and play. I tell ya, I have my hands full and the teachers will too. I did purchase Abby an adorable embroidered bag and her name is also being embroidered on it.

I talked to the teacher in private about the best way to handle if/when Abby cries when I leave Monday morning. I plan to take her to her classroom, give her a kiss bye bye and leave. No looking back. The anxiety of this is not as bad as the worry about her behavior in the classroom. I am sure that she will be fine. Abby is just very strong willed and used to getting her way. I know I can not protect her forever from the world but it is hard to put your child out there for possible criticism. I have to talk myself out of my worry. I am glad that Abby has such a dynamic personality but there is a little part of me that knows all of this would be easier if her personality was more laid back. There is nothing laid back about this child. But I love her and want her to succeed in everything she does. O.K. I think I need a drink.. LOL!!

Thankful

2008-08-07T16:55:00.000-05:00

Got this idea from someone else

I am thankful today because:

* I have a great job to come to every day
* my daughter is so amazing and healthy
*I purchased a 2009 Murano :)
*Abby is potty trained (see my posts from a few months ago about this)
*I know God
*my husband is helpful at home and with Abby
*my feet dont hurt so bad I could cry
*tomorrow is Friday!!

Persuasion

2008-08-04T19:14:00.001-05:00

Thomas is on board with getting new floor for Abby's bathroom remodeling. Woo Hoo!
I will probably get something easy to do and affordable in case I want to change it all up again sooner than we would want to get new floor again. LOL!

Off floor browsing

Order complete

2008-08-04T10:52:00.000-05:00

I ordered the whole set pictured in the below post for Abby's bathroom. I purchased the tumbler, toothbrush holder, pump dispenser, wastebacket, rug, shower curtain and cute shower hooks. Now I need to think of a good paint color. I think a dark beige or something similiar would be good for when we decide on changes in the future. Any chnage will be an improvement because it has not been repainted since we have lived in the house (almost 8 years). I also need to think more if I want to change the floor or not.

Changes...Changes...

2008-08-02T23:12:00.001-05:00

I have decided to redecorate Abby's bathroom. I had initally thought I would do a Disney Princess theme since I had gotten a good deal on a shower curtain. I think now I am loving this theme:

It has an adorable shower curtain and rug to go with it. I plan to paint the bathroom also but I am unsure of a color at this point. I would not mind new floor although the floor we have now is an awesome color and does not show anything.LOL!
Thomas also is not too keen on changing the floor but if I get convinced I want to change the floor, I am sure he will agree. :O)
If not, the rug is huge and will cover most of the floor anyway.

Happy Days!!

2008-08-02T06:28:00.000-05:00

After a lot of thinking, I mean A LOT of thinking....

I am the owner of a 2009 MURANO SL!!!! This car is awesome!! It has so many extras (dual moonroof, leather seats, intelligent key, all power seats) I am soo excited because those of you that have ridden in my car know that Lady T has seen some days!! She is still a good, dependable car and Thomas plans to drive her to work to save on gas.

Abby loves the Murano too. She did not want Thomas to drive it to the store today..LOL!

Decisions, Decisions...

2008-07-30T07:16:00.000-05:00

Murano?

Quest?

Malibu?

Equinox?

Look, I did it!!

2008-07-24T21:01:00.000-05:00

Abigail finished her reading requirement to complete the Library's Summer Reading Program. We read 30 books together in a little over a month and one of the books we read has become on her favorite books. So much so, I purchased it for her for her birthday from Amazon.com. It is called the Nutcracker Doll. Awww.

Abby received some cool prizes as her reward. She received a blow up space shuttle,cute frisbee, nice sticker book, a few coupons, and other cute prizes. She really loves the library. I hope she keeps on with her keen attitude. I am proud of my little girl...

Abby's Birthday pics

2008-07-23T22:27:00.000-05:00

Abby had a great birthday party last Thursday with her friends. She has her party at the Splash Pad in Smyrna. The pavilion was pretty nice and I think everything turned out great. It was pretty hot though. Abby received some awesome gifts. I still have to get out her thank you cards. We are blessed to have good friends and family. We did have a small get together with family at Chuck E Cheese last Wed. night (her actual birthday). She had fun there too. Of course, it was Chuck E Cheese.

Don't laugh, but I am already thinking about ideas for next year's party. I even picked up some cute party favors at Party City for next year. No, they are not candy, so the favors will be fine. I am known to change my mind a lot so who knows what we will end up doing. LOL!

Two Princesses

2008-07-19T16:55:00.000-05:00

Abby and her cousin, Lexi.. awww...Can you believe Lexi is only 5 months older than Abby? They could be in the same class when they start kindergarten.. That could be trouble though. LOL!

Baby Girl is 3 years old!!!

2008-07-16T12:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby girl! I can not believe that she is 3. She has grown up so much in the past year. She has accomplished so much too. She is potty trained except for nighttime. She can count to 30, identify some letters, knows all of her shapes (even diamond) and pretty much knows all of her colors when she slows down to think about it. Abby loves to "read". I hope this interest continues. She loves to do flips and I have to say she is pretty agile. Abby loves to dance and overall perform. She likes to pretend that she is model and "strike a pose". Abby loves riding on Daddy's 4-wheeler with him and riding on the tractor. She is not afraid to get dirty, loves animals and being outdoors. She even enjoys a little fishing every now and then. Of course, she is still a "girly girl" at time. She loves to play dress up, make up and play school. Abby talks about God, heaven and angels. I hope to start taking her to church now that she is older. Abby is still very strong willed although her tantrums come and go now. Abby can speak very well and has a large vocabulary. We are blessed to have such a healthy, smart and beautiful little girl. Trust me, I do know it is a blessing and I give praise to God for everything. Oh and she has her father and grandparents wrapped around her little finger.. not me though..yeah, right..:)

There are so many things to look forward to including the start of preschool in a few weeks and eventually sleeping in her own bed (when me and Thomas are ready). LOL!

I am so proud of my daughter and look forward to what the upcoming years hold for her.

Nope, I can't please everyone

2008-07-15T20:32:00.000-05:00

Hard to Please... I can not please everyone. My parents and in-laws are going to join us at Chuck E Cheese tomorrow night for Abby's birthday. I was initially going to have a huge party at Chuck E Cheese with everyone but it was going to cost close to $400 to feed everyone. With doing her bigger party at the Splash Pad and just the grandparents at Chuck E Cheese for Abby it will cost under $150.00 for everything! That is a huge savings. Well, I heard that it was questioned why I was having Abby's party on a weekday. I had good intentions and I like the idea but next year I will probably just have one huge party with everyone. Ugghh!!

Thoughts....

2008-07-11T19:01:00.000-05:00

As I was browsing the Internet, a memory of my Uncle came to mind. I have no idea why but I am led to write about it. He had lung cancer and was on a lot of meds/morphine to keep him comfortable towards the end of his life. He was in and out of consciousness but I remember him waking up and glancing up at me and I remember how miserable he looked. I wonder what was going through his mind? Had God already protected him from feeling the pain of thoughts of not being with his family? His daughter was about 6 or 7 ( I think) and I wonder if he was thinking about her? ..
That's it.. Lightbulb going off in my mind. See, due to family discord we have not received contact from his wife or his daughter since his death 4 years ago (I think). I will try to locate her again. I tried a couple years of go with no luck although I probably could have checked more places. God has put this on my heart to find my little cousin..

The Countdown Begins

2008-07-10T21:37:00.000-05:00

..please pass the xanax..LOL!

Abby received her letter from Middle Tennessee Christian stating her start date. Her first day is on August 6th. That is 4 weeks away! OMG! This preschool thing is real. We have orientation the night of the 5th. Thank goodness she is only there a 1/2 day though. I am sure I will be blogging more about this in the days to come. So far, she is excited about staring school. I pray this continues.

Tagged

2008-07-10T10:50:00.001-05:00

I was tagged by Chandra
http://fertilelychallenged.blogsot.com/

Here are the rules:

a. Link to the person who tagged you

b. Post the rules on your blog.

c. Write six random things about yourself.

d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blog.

e. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.

f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up..

Six random things about me
-I used to love Eazy-E (spelling?)and NWA and know almost all of their songs word for word
-My favorite food is peanut butter
-I used to wear Wranglers and ropers--I still have them..LOL! size 11 at that!
-I have had carpal tunnel surgery
-I am an only child (some of you may know)--dont tell me you can tell..LOL!
-I sleep with a fan directly beside my bed

Everyone I know with a blog has been tagged!!
????????????

Tagged??

2008-07-10T10:50:00.000-05:00

I do not know of anyone to tag that has not already been tagged!
Uh oh!!

What happens now?

It's been a long weekend

2008-07-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

I have enjoyed my 4 days off but I have to say that I am ready to get back into a routine of some kind. We enjoyed the fireworks celebration at the in-laws on Thursday. Abby got startled by the fireworks so her grandfather took her in the house. On Friday we had lunch with Mom and Dad and Abby stayed with them on Friday night. Thomas and I went to dinner and went spur of the moment car shopping. Yes, I have started browsing so we will see if I can wait until my goal of mid-Fall to purchase a new car. I am into the Malibu, Murano, Quest Van, Trailblazer and a few others. The best reviews so far have been for the Malibu. I am really psyched about getting a new car. Besides the fact that I have had mine 7 years and it was not as luxurious as my Thunderbird, I have not idea why I would be excited. We have decided that I will get what I really want. Almost all of the vehicles we have looked at range from $25,000- $35,000.. Whew! We have never paid that much for a vehicle but I know it will be worth it.

After drooling over new vehicles, we went to a friends house and shot fireworks and hung out until about 1:00 a.m.
Saturday night, Abby's cousin Alexis spent the night. They had a blast. Abby was a bit fussy because she had not had a nap. I played a lot with them. It is interesting how different their personalities are. Alexis is so much more laid back then Abby but then again, Abby does not let anything get past her.. LOL!!

On Sunday we stayed at home. Alexis stayed most of the day. When she left Abby cried so hard she vomitted. I wonder when she will stop doing that? Poor baby..Thomas got a lot done around the house today. I was scared he would pass out from heat exhaustion. He mowed and weed-eated (is that a word?) the lawn, sprayed outside for bugs, sprayed for weeds and painted the new railing on the front porch.
I got some laundry done and caught up a few things around the house. Long weekends are nice, but is always nice to get back to work.

What? I can't have just one drink?????

2008-07-05T15:09:00.001-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I can not drink alcoholic drinks with a certain medication I am on. It does not matter the quantity or quality because I will get one of the worst migraines ever! Last night I had a few wine coolers and I still was very ill most of the night/day. Maybe it is a sign, or maybe it should be common sense for me to follow the guidelines of my medicines and NOT DRINK ALCOHOL!!!

New Month..New Goals

2008-07-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

I like that title. We will see how much I get done. Abby and I worked on her books she has to "read" for the library reading program. We have read 6 books so far. She loves one book that I am thinking about getting for her. It is called the Nutcracker Doll. We have read that book several times. We better get busy reading because we have to read 9 more books in 2 weeks for Abby to receive the prize you get for having half of your books read by a certain time.

I definitely have to get my self in shape. Excuses, excuses, we all have them but that does not save us from the consequences of making unhealthy choices.

Abby's birthday is coming up and I finally decided on birthday favors for her party. It may not be a big deal for some, but it was fun searching for the right favor gift. No, I'm not gonna tell you, you will have to come to Abby's party to find out.
:) I will have extra favors in case more attend than I thought but they will not have the added touch of the others.. Got you thinking, huh??

Well, here are my goals for July:

**do not let library books be late (done once)
**read required reading for Abby's age group
**complete birthday invitations and mail them (this week)--eek! (DONE)
**start drinking water again daily--80 ounces!
**eat more fruits and veggies
**make wise choices about processed foods
**walk at least 3X week (got to start small)

Saturday is not over yet..

2008-06-28T22:23:00.000-05:00

Today was an enjoyable day. Abby and I ate lunch with my parents and went back to their house and we both napped a couple of hours. We went to Sams shopping and them home to meet Thomas. We went to see the movie Kung Fu Panda. It was our first time seeing a movie at the theatre. It was Abby's 2nd time, her first was to see the Chipmunks movie with Mom and Dad. She did well tonight but was ready to leave the last 10 minutes of the movie. (sigh) All in all a good night.

Torn

2008-06-28T07:08:00.001-05:00

Well, the Dentist visit is behind us thank goodness. Abby overall did well but she did get scared a couple of times. Her next visit is in 6 months and she does not want to go back. Poor baby!

I can not believe how my ideas about wanting to have another child change so quickly. In the past week, I have went from thinking of baby names and Dr. visits to feeling complete with only one child. Crazy.

More Monday Thoughts

2008-06-23T19:02:00.001-05:00

Baby girl is not feeling well. I wonder if it is the Chicken Pox thing? Oh my. She has a fever and went to bed at 6:00 p.m. Poor Baby!! Depending on how she feels I may stay home with her tomorrow. It is good to know that she is still in good hands if I do go to work because my Mom watches her.

Abby's birthday is about 3 weeks away. Wow!! We are having her birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. I thought about changing it and decided to go ahead with Chuck e Cheese. It is pretty pricey but worth it. Thank goodness that I have worked some overtime. LOL! I am not sure what to get her for her birthday. We have talked about getting her a television/DVD for her room but I am not sure. We may end up getting her a playset instead. I am not sure. hmmm....

Abby has her first Dentist appointment with a pediatric dentist Friday. I may have to reschedule depending on how this sick thing goes. :(

Things at work are going well. Although some of my co workers seem too competitive. I can run with the best of them but some people get too carried away and it is annoying. I predict that there will be a ton of changes at work in the next 6 months. Thank God that I am working in an area that I love to work in....and that I actually like people.. good quality for a social worker, don't you think? LOL!!!